what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
