Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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