wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
