GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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