wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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