FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
