the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
