just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
