Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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