think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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