I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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