we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
