I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
