All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Your cock deserves a montage
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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