Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
