I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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