Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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