her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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