Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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