lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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