I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
