You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize