yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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