on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
