well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
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Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
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With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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