Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
