You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
