I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
