who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
