you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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