The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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