Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
