someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
