I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
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It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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