Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
