its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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