i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
