Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You dont lie about slip and slides
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
