i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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