he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
