Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize