you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
