I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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