just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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