I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i wish my penis had a tongue
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.