Is that why you're texting me
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...