I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?