I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?