her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she woke up with a sticky ear
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
my liver is dry heaving
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.