I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Farmville is her only friend.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
