I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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