I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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