You just made me feel so damn special
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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