I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He passed out mid-signature
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
