Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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