My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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