There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
