I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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