I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
