drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize