You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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