I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
