I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
