I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
