Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
