He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
