You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
