shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
