i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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